Fool Me Once, Shame on You; Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” Where was this quote when I went through with the utmost distressing and horrifying relationship with my so-called high school sweetheart years ago? Now I cringe at the pathetic habitual patterns I put myself through before I was brave enough to finally pull my head out of my ass and realize that if a relationship does not work the first time, it probably will not work the second, third, fourth, or thirteenth time. I also absolutely refuse to believe that I am some kind of freak of nature who is the only person that ever went through a period of cloudy judgement. Admit it; you or someone you know, perhaps a friend, a family member, a roommate, or even the shy and humble girl next door went through the same mistake of trying to force a relationship to work only to end up feeling like you have only wasted your own valuable time. This irrational behavior and idiotic way of thinking is more common than one would imagine. But why do we do it or put ourselves through what now seems such an unpleasant and undesirable relationship? …I honestly do not know. But what I do know is that like all other mistakes, you are supposed to extract some type of lesson or useful knowledge on how to avoid making the same mistake again. Therefore, I’ve gathered a list of questions for everyone as a reminder to think rationally whenever they find themselves in the vulnerable position of falling into the unwanted make-up-then-break-up dating trap.

1.     What was the cause of the break up in the first place? Will both sides of the relationship be able to resolve things to get past this issue and be reassured that it will not rise up again in the future? If not, then it is highly recommended that you reconsider your plans for action because you’re only setting yourself up for a distasteful déjà vu.

2.     Are you happy with yourself? I was once given the advice that you will not be able to be happy with someone else if you can’t be happy by yourself. So if you’re single, before rushing to run back into the same old relationship again, take time to enjoy being single and doing the things you like since you no longer have anyone to answer to.

3.     Are you sure you want to be with this person in the “long run”? Obviously there is a reason for the breakup in the first place so if it isn’t meant to be then it probably won’t be. And why prolong the relationship if you are going to break up again anyway?

If you’re still  not convinced, let me remind you about a devastating little tale about an innocent and dutiful wife named Elin. She had a happy marriage with a highly respectable and widely-renowned athlete Tiger Woods, only to one day suddenly be humiliated and ridiculed by everyone that knew what the sport of golf was. According to abcnews, not one, but numerous women, including a porn star and a pancake house waitress keep adding themselves to the increasing list of women that have been involved with Elin’s husband. Even after the embarassment of the whole world knowing about the disaster in her marriage, Elin tried to make things work; she went to marriage counseling, she sent her husband to sex rehab. Then guess what happens? He cheats on her again in sex rehab. …So if Tiger Woods can’t salvage an old relationship, what would make the average people like us be able to do so?

Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk for Free?

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the person mentioned

As much as I hate to admit, my parents really were always right when it comes to relationship advice. And your parents were probably always right too. It saddens me that it takes everyone decades of their lives before they finally admit it and do listen to what their parents tell them. One thing my parents always told me was to take things slow when it comes to relationships and dating. Luckily that was one of the advices I actually listened to ever since I started dating and having relationships. However, it is unfortunate for my friend Marilyn* that she never took that same advice her parents probably told her when she started being involved in relationships.

Marilyn is a simple girl who is easy to please and wants nothing more complicated than to just have a boyfriend of her very own. She has kissed many frogs that claim to be princes and who, one after the other, continuously disappoints her. After observing her last “relationship,” it is finally plain and clear for me to see exactly why she is so unsuccessful at sustaining a relationship and keeping boyfriends. She is simply “giving it up” way too easily. Marilyn is by no means sexually promiscuous and does not just sleep with any guy she meets. However, she does become infatuated and smitten with them so much and so fast to the point where she will sleep with them by the second date. What is even more surprising is that behavior such as this is not abnormal among women in this generation. According to the American Sex Survey from abcnews.com approximately 30% of women have sex on the first date. Therefore, obviously there is nothing physically wrong with Marilyn for these kinds of behavior, but little does she know, giving it up so easily (even if she has feelings for those boys) does have an unwanted consequence. She thinks that giving these guys what they want will help keep them around, but her sleeping with them so soon is actually chasing them all away.

This is the real world, women have sexual power but they do not get the same standards when it comes to sexual behaviors as men. When men sleep around, they are obviously considered “studs.” When women sleep around, guess what they’re called? As silly as it seems, to exercise the power women do have sexually is to “take things slow.” As much as men want and will have sex easily, they seem to only want relationships with women who show respect for themselves. And how much respect does a girl seem to show for herself when she will pull down her skirt after only a couple of dates?

So thank you to all of our parents for learning from their mistakes and is kind enough to pass their advice on to us even if we neglect to listen to them at first. And thank you to all the Marilyns out there who emphasize this lesson for the rest of us.